4 Month Bumpdate!

How Far Along? 16 weeks, 6 days!

Baby is a? We should find out Wednesday, and if baby doesn't cooperate we have another appointment with our doctor on the 22nd and he said we would do another ultrasound in his office that day as well. 
Size of Little One? About the size of a avocado, measuring about 4.6 inches and weighs about 3.5 oz.
Total Weight Gain/Loss? I've gained all the weight back that I lost in the first trimester. :/ 
Maternity Clothes? Oh, yes! I don't know how I lived before the elastic waist band. I have always HATED wearing belts.  I also bought a super cute red polka dot maternity swimsuit. I got a nice little coupon from Motherhood Maternity and I intend on using it at the end of the month. 
Stretch Marks? Still no new ones! Woot, woot! I've been using my cocoa butter lotion. But I've been looking for an essential oils recipe to start using on them. 
Symptoms? Morning Sickness has finally passed! I've been feeling pretty good. I still get the occasional headache but they never last long. 
Sleep? Still pretty good! Bed is set up and I just sort of 'nest' with my snoogle pillow. It's apparently quite comfy because I usually wake up with at least Tobias in my nest, occasionally Gracie too. My dreams are starting to get more vivid and weird. I had one this week that Husby was back in the Air Force and I had snuck into BMT with him. It didn't take long for them to realize I was an imposter! And I've started to wake up around 4 AM needing a potty break. 😳
Miss Anything? Not really, I actually enjoy being pregnant once I'm past the morning sickness phase! 
Movement? Little flutters here and there, but I'm ready for some full out kicks! 
Food Cravings? Still bread or things that have gluten in them! This week I wanted Chicken Fried Steak with white gravy and mashed potatoes. 
Anything Make You Queasy or Sick? Not eating, if I start feeling sick to my stomach I know I need to eat soon or if I over eat because I was so hungry. It can be a vicious cycle. 
Have You Started to Show Yet? Yes, but I'm in that weird phase where sometimes it looks like I've just gained a lot of weight and sometimes it looks like an actually pregnant belly. Almost there though! 
Bellybutton, In or Out? In still! 
Wedding Rings, On or Off? Back on, for now. 
Happy or Moody, Most of the Time? Pretty happy unless you've woken me up! I love my naps! 
Looking forward to? Finding out the gender on Wednesday! Feeling movement, Husby feeling movement! 
Best Moment? The nurse practitioner finding the heartbeat right away at our last appointment. It's always a nervous time for me. 

3 Month Bumpdate!

How Far Along? 12 weeks, 6 days!

Baby is a? not sure yet, all we care about is that baby is born HEALTHY
Size of Little One? About the size of a clementine, measuring about 2 inches and weighs about .5 oz.
Total Weight Gain/Loss? I've lost between 10-15 lbs. depending what scale I'm standing on
Maternity Clothes? I've pulled all my clothes out from my previous pregnancy to wash and dry them all. I caved and wore a pair of pants to work on Friday. I forgot how wonderful the stretchy elastic band is! I did pick up another pair of shorts and a pair of maternity skinny jeans for work this weekend.
Stretch Marks? No new ones yet, I've been trying to use cocoa butter lotion every night but the smell isn't pleasing right now.
Symptoms? Mostly just 'morning' sickness throughout the evenings. But I can tell it's starting to get better. I've also started to get a few headaches here and there, nothing terrible.
Sleep? Pretty good so far. I've had a few crazy dreams here and there. I pulled out my pregnancy pillow and that's been good on the hips. We moved last weekend and we've been forced to sleep on the couch until a few more things can be finished. I miss my pillowtop and being able to spread out on the bed!
Miss Anything? Eating bread! But I'll happily give that up for a healthy pregnancy!
Movement? Nothing yet, but looking forward to feeling it again in the next few weeks.
Food Cravings? Anything with gluten/bread in it! Hard because it is such a no no for me! Burger King has a sandwich made out of a croissant and every time I hear the commercial it makes my mouth water. Even just thinking about it right now is hard!
Anything Make You Queasy or Sick? Driving in the car does, coughing too hard, eating waaay to fast when I'm hungry, or waiting to long to eat. Certain smells like cooked broccoli do sometimes.
Have You Started to Show Yet? There's definitely a bitty baby belly. My pants are getting tight and uncomfortable most days.
Bellybutton, In or Out? In, for now.
Wedding Rings, On or Off? Off, I wear them on a bracelet. This happened the last time I was pregnant. They came of early but not quite this early.
Happy or Moody, Most of the Time? Split most of the time, I tend to get annoyed quickly though and have a much shorted temper. It drives Husby up the wall and he frequently threatens to go live with his parents until the baby is born.
Looking forward to? Feeling movement, next appointment, finding out the gender!
Best Moment? Seeing the baby move for the first time, Husby got to be there as well. He missed out on Cooper's first u/s because he was overseas at the time. So glad he got to be there this time!

Gluten Free During the Holidays

Before Dr. McDreamy (he is that good looking) uttered those three life changing words "You have Celiac's." I always thought people who didn't eat gluten were just super weird, super picky eaters. 

I was wrong. Way wrong. 

Cutting gluten out of my diet has been amazing. I don't know how I went that long without realizing there was something wrong.  I'm losing weight, I'm happier and I just have soooo much energy now. I tell Husby frequently that I feel like I can take on the world now. And no longer after a brief 5 hour nap! 

I thought it would be hard giving up so many of my favorite foods at first but, a quick trip Sprouts changed all of that for me. I can easily find lots of gluten free versions of my favorite items.  Life goes on!

And then the holidays rolled around and it occurred to me that gluten is in sooo many of my favorite holiday foods. Thanksgiving was miserable, I couldn't eat any stuffing and the GF stuffing I found this year was uh, interesting to say the least. I will have to continue my search for an edible GF stuffing next  year.  Gravy was interesting, it looked like congealed something. I ended up dumping it on my stuffing to make it somewhat edible. It helped a little. 

While at my MIL's house this week I cried again realizing now many of her yummy holiday treats I'm going to miss out. 

No pies, no cookies, no crackers for cheese ball, no pumpkin bread! 

But then she shared her recipe for spiced pecans and oh my I was in heaven. I could eat the pan myself. 

You need 3.5-4 cups of pecans, a stick of butter, two egg whites, 1 cup of sugar and 1 tsp of cinnamon.

Brown the pecans in a 9x13 in pan at 350* for about 10 minutes. 

Melt the stick of butter in a small bowl. In another bowl beat the egg whites until they are frothy, add the sugar and cinnamon to the egg whites, mixing them tiger her gently. Pour the butter and sugar mixture over the pecans and toss to gently coat the pecans.

Bake at 350* for about an hour. Stir about every 10 minutes until all the liquid has been asorbed. 

She suggested using pumpkin pie spice instead of cinnamon but I'm not a big pumpkin pie fan. It makes a rather large ziplock bag full. I would show pictures but I ate them all already...

C'est la vie. 

Dancing in the Rain

Husby and I have celebrated 3 brand new years without Cooper.

We've survived 1,224 days or 3 years, 4 months and 6 days.

We should have a 3 year old running around. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like and I teach 3 year olds!  This should have been his first Christmas that he he would have gotten into the fun and specialness of the holidays. I have a list of traditions that I want to do but for now they wait.

I was thinking back to the first Christmas without him. I was driving to the post office with Binx in the backseat. I looked into the rearview mirror and noticed he was fogging up all the windows. The base of his car seat was still there. I began to sob thinking about what it would been like to have a giant dog and my 4 month old son in the backseat while I hurried around checking things off my holiday to list. I finished my errand and it wasn't until I got back to the car that I realized that if Cooper hadn't died, I wouldn't have been at the post office that day. I had been mailing gifts to three mothers I had become close with the past 4 months. All four of us had lost a child from NEC that year.

Husby was just talking today about where our lives would have gone if Cooper hadn't died. life would be drastically different for us. He would still be in the Air Force and stationed somewhere else. We'd probably have another baby. I would have stopped teaching to stay at home while they were little.

Instead, he was discharged from the military. He's working on getting his degree. I've a great job with a company I love. We are back in Oklahoma near our families. We're trying to have our Rainbow baby. We're enjoying life again. If you had told me 5 years that this is where we be and I would have laughed.

Life hasn't always been a storybook fairytale for us. We've had a lot of really crappy stuff happen to us. But we've also got some really good stuff going for us.  I love this quote:

'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.'

It's taken us nearly 3 years to figure it out, but Husby and I are figuring it out.  I would rather have Cooper with us but, I know that God is going to use all of this for good one day.  Some days I feel like we getting farther from him but at the same time we getting closer to spending eternity with him. I look forward to that day but until then we still have a whole lot of life left to live. 

C'est la vie.